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The stranger who made our dreams come true - Anonymous

The stranger who made our dreams come true - Anonymous
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I have a thank you to say to an amazing man, a man I've never met, never seen, never had any contact with but whom has given me the biggest gift in life...the gift of life! This man is my baby girls sperm donor. 

First a little bit about our journey to parenthood. I met my husband when I was 23, the old fashioned way, the local night club! We had known each other as little kids but hadn't seen each other in over 15 years. That night in the club when he kissed me I knew he'd eventually be my husband. Within four years we had bought our first house, bought a dog and had got married. Everything was going to plan. 

The next stop...BABIES!!!

We had our honeymoon and as soon as we got home I stopped taking the pill. That's all you need to do right? Stop taking the pill and start making love! We'll have this done in no time. It was fun all the baby making, fun until 12months had passed and still no baby. We got referred to a specialist and was told to stop stressing. "Your both young and healthy, it's not working because your trying too hard!" The specialist booked me in for a laparoscopy and did a sperm test, just to be on the safe side. The next week the phone rang, it was our specialist asking us to come in for the results. "I've cancelled your laparoscopy because your husbands sperm count has come back as 0" Yep nada. He told us to get our finances in order, continue to pay into private health insurance and referred us straight to IVF. I still remember walking out of that office in complete silence. Did he just say what we thought he said? IVF? We both sat in our car and the tears came flowing. Even after all of our treatment, that day is still one of the hardest. 


3 months later we met with our new doctor. He ordered more tests and once again we were told that we are both young and healthy and it won't be too hard of a process to achieve the end result of a pregnancy. After many test on my husband the IVF treatment had began. The plan was to retrieved my eggs, cut into my husbands testicles, retrieve as many sperm as possible, use ICSI to put them together and ta-da transfer a fertilised embryo back into my uterus 5 days later. I remember going into surgery that day with high hopes and almost happy that after trying for so long it was finally time to become a family! I woke up after surgery with a 6 written on my hand. 6!! Six eggs were retrieved! Six shots of a baby! I was so pleased with the number. My husband was waking up next to me in the recovery room after his procedure and we were still so full of hope that this was going to be it. We left the recovery room and went straight over to see our IVF doctor. As soon as I looked into his eyes I knew something had not gone to plan. "I'm really sorry but we didn't get any viable sperm. Everything was too small and died off in the cleaning process. Your next step is to use a donor." My heart dropped. We had started the day full of hope and ended it feeling worse than we had ever imagined. 

Picking a donor...

For those of you who don't know the process of picking a donor, it's quite simple! You get a login ID and password, get on their website and scroll through possible donors. I don't know why but I expected there to be hundreds. There was only about 60 (so to this day only our parents know we used a donor, we plan to keep it that way until the day we tell our little girl.) So we had to cut out all different races, the people who I though weren't there for the right reasons and pick someone with similar features to my husband. That left us with a choice of about 3! We finally decided on our donor and started our IVF treatment the following month. 

Long story short...

We tried and tried and tried, month after month and nothing worked. We switched donors, tried different medications, tried blood thinners. Nothing. I self injected over 100 needles, tried 3 different donors, did 5 full rounds of IVF, spent over $50,000 on IVF  procedures and still no baby.  Turns out not only did my husband have a sperm issue but I also had high grade endometriosis with no symptoms. No one ever though about checking me for problems. My period was regular, I was ovulating on time and I had never experienced any kind of period pain so no one thought to check me. If only my first specialist hadn't of cancel my first laparoscopy! So back to surgery I go.  After two laparoscopies we tried again and IVF was still not working. For anyone who has been through IVF you know how physically, mentally and financially draining the whole process gets. It gets to the point where you feel physically ill and can't control your emotions when u see somebody else's beautiful baby or when someone you know announces their pregnancy. It's tough. The hardest was when my brother and cousins were all having babies. I was so happy that my brother was going to be a dad and put on such a brave face in front of them but every night for two weeks straight I cried myself to sleep. Why me? Why us? What did I do to deserve this? I'm so lucky to have the most supportive husband who would hug me each night and promise me that one day it will happen.  I was ready to give up on IVF and give my body a break. I worked up the courage to tell my husband I was ready to stop trying for awhile and to have at least a 3month break from it all. I felt like a pin cushion, I was exhausted and we had already been trying for two years. He was due home from work any minute and I had the whole speech ready in my head. Now here's the crazy part...he came running into me as soon as he got in the door. There was a smile on his face from ear to ear and just before I could ramble off my 'I need a rest' speech he comes out with "I have a feeling that this is the month! We need to try one more time!" Oh shit...I swallowed my words and decided to look back through the donors (they change a little every few weeks) We were never really happy with the donors on the website but that morning he was there! An American donor with all the same features as my husband! Same colour hair, same colour eyes, same height, same weight and even the same interests! I didn't want to get too excited as we had been let down so many times before but this just seemed like fate. Plus this donor was only 21 when he donated...young fresh sperm!! We couldn't pass on the opportunity, we had to try again. Everything for this cycle fell into place. I believe in fate, karma and signs and everything just felt right during that cycle. The date of my egg retrieval fell on my mums lucky number. My transfer date fell on my lucky number and the amount of eggs retrieved was my dads lucky number. Maybe I was just looking for signs but it all felt right. The two week wait was torture but the morning I went in for my blood test I had a feeling that this one was it. At 11:30am I got the phone call I had been waiting for years to receive. "Congratulations you are pregnant" We were finally going to be parents and have a family of our own. 

The wonder games...

Have you ever wondered what your unborn baby is going to look like? Will she have my eyes or her daddy's chin? Imagine doing that and always having the unknown in the back of your mind. We didn't really mind what our baby was going to look like but it didn't stop us from wondering. I hoped and prayed she'd look like me but also get some of my husbands features (like i said his hair colour, eye colour, skin colour and weight were all the same as the donors) Turns out we had nothing to worry about...

You have a baby girl...

In February 2016 our life changed forever. I gave birth to the most beautiful little girl I could of ever imagined. Our little miracle baby was finally in my arms. My husband was finally a daddy and we were finally a family of 3. We had a long labour but I was so thankful. I had dreamt of this moment for years. I wasn't scared or nervous but in total awe of meeting my child. Giving birth was the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced (thanks to the epidural) yes it was long and exhausting but amazing! The first night we laid there next to her just watching her sleep. She was the one kicking and moving inside my stomach. She was the one we hoped and prayed for. She would forever change our life in the best possible way. She was our baby girl! I can't believe we ever worried about what she was going to look like. She is the prettiest little girl I've ever seen. She is now 1 and 90% of our friends and family think she looks so much like her daddy (go figure) and gosh, she amazes me every day. In our eyes she is perfect! 

The final thank You! 

Like I said at the start. I have a thank you to say to an amazing man I have never met, never seen, never had any contact with and maybe never will. He is the man who shares DNA with my baby girl. No he's not her father or a relative but her sperm donor. The person who so selflessly gave a part of himself to help my husband and I become a family. There is no money exchange or anything in it for him other then the feeling I imagine he gets knowing that he has helped someone fulfill their biggest dream in life. What inspired him to donate, I'll never know. Who at 21 even contemplates donating? I often think of this man and hope and pray he is living an amazing life. I hope that karma treats him well as he has given me and maybe other families more than what I could ever give back in return. I thank god every night for my little miracle baby and the amazing man who helped make my dreams come true. It still amazes me every single day that a complete stranger helped us create such a beautiful little girl. My husband and I will forever be great full for this man and would like to thank him from the bottom of our heart xx

For those of you who are reading this and going through similar struggles, try to stay positive. I often asked why me? What did I do to deserve this? Now I look back and think why not me! The biggest hurdles are given to the strongest people. I never realised how strong I was until I had to be. There is always light at the end of the tunnel and for me that light is my daughter.



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